hamletjr (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} hamletjr) wrote,@ 2005-04-03 21:09:00 |
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Movie Night: 0wned!!!
We arrived early at the cinema, so we went to the lobby and stood in line for some popcorn and a soda.
'Who's in this movie, anyway?' Horatio asked.
'Anthony Hopkins. He's pretty good. Not like all those Hollywood worship-the-ground-I-walk-on celebs. I mean, it's not like they're all that great.'
'Who do you mean?'
'Al Pacino, say. He's always shouting. I've not seen one movie in which that guy isn't shouting at some point. Or Jim Carrey. I really fucking hate Jim Carrey, he's so all over the place, with his arms flapping about and the silly voice. I mean, seriously, take a chill pill, dude. It's just not believable, all this overacting.'
Polonius and my mom and stepdad came in separate cars, along with my 'pals' Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Horatio and me were already halfway into the commercials when they showed up.
As they were walking in, finding their way to their seats, I said to Horatio, 'Listen, do me a favor.'
'What.'
'I know that in this movie, this guy Gonzago gets killed. When that happens, I want you to really look hard to see how my stepdad reacts.'
'What am I looking for?'
'Check to see if he looks guilty.'
'What do you mean, guilty? And why can't you do that?'
'I don't trust my own judgment. But you're like, the king of cool. I'll leave it up to you to decide.'
'OK, I'll do my best.'
'Thanks, man. Now pipe down, they're coming.'
The others sat down behind us.
'How are you, Hamlet?' said my stepdad.
'Oh, you know, same old same old. I like the actors in this movie. Polonius, didn't you use to act?'
'Indeed I did', he said, the pompous bastard. 'At university, I played Caesar. Brutus killed me.'
'What a shame.' I said.
Then my mom said, 'Come sit next to me, Hamlet.'
As it happened, I was sitting just in front of Ophelia, so I said, 'No thanks, mom, I'm cool.'
'Can I sit in your lap?' I asked Ophelia.
'No', she said.
'Well can I then just rest my head against your legs?'
'Sure', she said. 'You're in a good mood.'
'Well, what else is there to do? Look at my mom, she's happy, even though my dad died like yesterday.'
'It's been two months, Hamlet', Ophelia said.
'Well, you're right. We should forget about him. I mean, two months, that's more than enough.'
Just then, the lights dimmed and the movie started. It was all about this king and queen who are in some major marriage crisis. They talk about whether she would ever remarry if he died, and she says of course not.
'How do you like it, mom?' I asked.
'This queen is a bit of whiner,' she said.
'I think it's disgusting', said my stepdad.
'C'mon,' I said, 'it's just a movie. Let's see what happens next.'
What happened next is that some guy arrives and kills the king. And whaddaya know, suddenly my stepdad jumps out of his chair, says, 'I can't watch this crap' and walks out of the theater!
'Did you see that?' I asked Horatio.
'He is so busted. And on cue', he answered.
Everybody left but Horatio and me. We sat through the rest of the movie, which was pretty okay, by the way.
When we came home, these sneaks Rosencrantz and Guildenstern came up to me.
'Your dad is going nuts.'
'Well, he shouldn't drink so much.'
'He didn't, he's just fucking furious!'
'Well maybe he should calm down. Why are you telling me? I'm not gonna see him. That would probably make him even angrier.'
'No, you don't understand, it's your mom who wants to see you.'
'OK, I will.'
'You don't have to if you don't want to, I can just tell her.'
'No, that's fine, but what's wrong?'
'She just wants you to go up to her room to talk. Listen', said Rosencrantz –or Guildenstern, I can never tell them apart. 'Why are you being such a dick, anyway? I thought we were friends.'
'Moi? A dick? Don't be silly. Of course you're my friend. Here, I'll even let you play on my guitar.'
'You know I don't know how to play the guitar!'
'Yeah,' I go, looking him straight in the eye, 'And you can't play me, either.'
They both shut up then.
Then Polonius comes down, all I'm-just-dropping-by and shit. I'm sure Polonius thinks I'm off my rocker, so I play with him.
'See that stain on the ceiling?' I say.
'I do', he says.
'Doesn't it looks like a camel?'
'Yes, now that you mention it, it does.'
'I don't think so, I think it looks like a weasel.'
'It's true, a weasel.'
'Or a whale.'
'Yes, it could also be a whale.' What a dickhead.
Anyway, then he left the room and so did my two 'friends'. I'm now going up to my mom's room, I'll let you know what happened later.
We arrived early at the cinema, so we went to the lobby and stood in line for some popcorn and a soda.
'Who's in this movie, anyway?' Horatio asked.
'Anthony Hopkins. He's pretty good. Not like all those Hollywood worship-the-ground-I-walk-on celebs. I mean, it's not like they're all that great.'
'Who do you mean?'
'Al Pacino, say. He's always shouting. I've not seen one movie in which that guy isn't shouting at some point. Or Jim Carrey. I really fucking hate Jim Carrey, he's so all over the place, with his arms flapping about and the silly voice. I mean, seriously, take a chill pill, dude. It's just not believable, all this overacting.'
Polonius and my mom and stepdad came in separate cars, along with my 'pals' Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Horatio and me were already halfway into the commercials when they showed up.
As they were walking in, finding their way to their seats, I said to Horatio, 'Listen, do me a favor.'
'What.'
'I know that in this movie, this guy Gonzago gets killed. When that happens, I want you to really look hard to see how my stepdad reacts.'
'What am I looking for?'
'Check to see if he looks guilty.'
'What do you mean, guilty? And why can't you do that?'
'I don't trust my own judgment. But you're like, the king of cool. I'll leave it up to you to decide.'
'OK, I'll do my best.'
'Thanks, man. Now pipe down, they're coming.'
The others sat down behind us.
'How are you, Hamlet?' said my stepdad.
'Oh, you know, same old same old. I like the actors in this movie. Polonius, didn't you use to act?'
'Indeed I did', he said, the pompous bastard. 'At university, I played Caesar. Brutus killed me.'
'What a shame.' I said.
Then my mom said, 'Come sit next to me, Hamlet.'
As it happened, I was sitting just in front of Ophelia, so I said, 'No thanks, mom, I'm cool.'
'Can I sit in your lap?' I asked Ophelia.
'No', she said.
'Well can I then just rest my head against your legs?'
'Sure', she said. 'You're in a good mood.'
'Well, what else is there to do? Look at my mom, she's happy, even though my dad died like yesterday.'
'It's been two months, Hamlet', Ophelia said.
'Well, you're right. We should forget about him. I mean, two months, that's more than enough.'
Just then, the lights dimmed and the movie started. It was all about this king and queen who are in some major marriage crisis. They talk about whether she would ever remarry if he died, and she says of course not.
'How do you like it, mom?' I asked.
'This queen is a bit of whiner,' she said.
'I think it's disgusting', said my stepdad.
'C'mon,' I said, 'it's just a movie. Let's see what happens next.'
What happened next is that some guy arrives and kills the king. And whaddaya know, suddenly my stepdad jumps out of his chair, says, 'I can't watch this crap' and walks out of the theater!
'Did you see that?' I asked Horatio.
'He is so busted. And on cue', he answered.
Everybody left but Horatio and me. We sat through the rest of the movie, which was pretty okay, by the way.
When we came home, these sneaks Rosencrantz and Guildenstern came up to me.
'Your dad is going nuts.'
'Well, he shouldn't drink so much.'
'He didn't, he's just fucking furious!'
'Well maybe he should calm down. Why are you telling me? I'm not gonna see him. That would probably make him even angrier.'
'No, you don't understand, it's your mom who wants to see you.'
'OK, I will.'
'You don't have to if you don't want to, I can just tell her.'
'No, that's fine, but what's wrong?'
'She just wants you to go up to her room to talk. Listen', said Rosencrantz –or Guildenstern, I can never tell them apart. 'Why are you being such a dick, anyway? I thought we were friends.'
'Moi? A dick? Don't be silly. Of course you're my friend. Here, I'll even let you play on my guitar.'
'You know I don't know how to play the guitar!'
'Yeah,' I go, looking him straight in the eye, 'And you can't play me, either.'
They both shut up then.
Then Polonius comes down, all I'm-just-dropping-by and shit. I'm sure Polonius thinks I'm off my rocker, so I play with him.
'See that stain on the ceiling?' I say.
'I do', he says.
'Doesn't it looks like a camel?'
'Yes, now that you mention it, it does.'
'I don't think so, I think it looks like a weasel.'
'It's true, a weasel.'
'Or a whale.'
'Yes, it could also be a whale.' What a dickhead.
Anyway, then he left the room and so did my two 'friends'. I'm now going up to my mom's room, I'll let you know what happened later.
